There is only one thing that controls manipulation. Fear. So if you are tired of being manipulated and pulled around like a puppet on a string, I highly suggest that you drop being afraid right now. Fear can come in many forms, and oftentimes it's not very obvious that you are afraid. Fear comes in varying grades and levels and you may or may not even be aware that you are being manipulated. In truth, most of us are totally blinded to the manipulations that we experience. We don't fully know what it is we can feel, yet we just know that there is something that we don't like, however we often go along and do whatever it is anyway. If you stand strong and say "I am no longer afraid" then you are free to do as you wish. People learn from a very early age how to manipulate. It is essentially a part of being a human being. The reason for this is because we want things, we have needs, and we are taught to use emotions to our benefit. We learn to use emotions as a way of pulling people's strings. The media does it, the government does it, advertisers do it, the church does it, your family does it, your new boy-toy does it, and maybe even you do it without realizing it.

So now lets examine where manipulation comes from. Manipulation comes from only one source, and that's people. People are the creators of manipulation. Now some may argue that manipulation comes from the devil or what have you, and yes, this is true. But people are either the custodians of light or they are custodians of darkness. What I mean by this is either people support the Godly idea of freedom and liberty, or they represent the ghoulish idea of manipulation and control. This does not mean that the people who manipulate are evil. It just means that they can have some pretty nasty and ghoulish traits from time to time. For example: the friend that calls and says something along the lines of "you never make time for me any more. Are you trying to replace me?" It is unfortunate that they are experiencing the emotion of loneliness and sorrow, but when someone says that, what does that typically do? How does it make you feel? God awful! Even if someone says this and they disguise it as a joke, it is still a ghoulish attempt at twanging your emotions, often times in "punishment" for "your" wrong doing. Depending on the situation and who the person is, it makes you say or think "ehhh, there is a reason why I have not been around!" I am either busy and genuinely can't help it, or it is because their neediness pushes you away because it does not serve you any justice. So no matter how insecure or weak you are, never try to emotionally manipulate others into doing what you want. Doing so is the most ghoulish thing you could do to others, asides from physically hurting them. It's true. However, trying to manipulate someone is actually a form of violence, it's called emotional violence. The manipulator is waging an emotional war with you, and they are trying to win! Why would they do this? They either do not care about you and your feelings, or they are unaware of what they are truly doing, most of the time it is a combination of the two. The manipulator is blinded by their own emotional needs so they just want you to react to pacify them. This is the selfish side of the human ego-personality. Another reason why people manipulate is because they lack a metaphysical understanding of how to attract what they want in a happy and positive way. It's either that, or they genuinely are ghoulish and just want what they want at the expense of other people's feelings.

This is what makes dating so difficult - one person wants one thing and the other wants another, but neither person has the balls to come out and say "hey, I like you and you like me, so let's just go ahead and hop in the bed and cut to the chase." Because after all, more than likely it's a mutual feeling - you are dating them for a reason, right? However, instead of coming right out with what they want, people resort to manipulative techniques and what we call mind games. But it's not a game. It's a dark manipulative ghoulish technique to get what you want without being honest about it. Ironically, the more brave you are, the less games that you must play! So honesty and bravery is a much needed shortcut in getting what you want. Don't be afraid to tell people what you want!  It is okay, just remember to leave manipulation for the ghouls.

In the previous example about the friend trying to manipulate you to hang out, look at how different it would have been if they were honest with both themselves and you and just came out and said "hey why don't we hang out anymore? Did I do something wrong?" Asking a direct question like this is courageous, but sadly, manipulators are not courageous. That's why they manipulate! They don't want to admit in the first place that they are the one who is fault. It's not your problem if you don't want to be around or talk to someone, is it? No it's not. It's their problem and if they are wise they should try to fix it. You don't have to explain yourself, but if someone compassionately asks, "Why don't you like me?" Then tell them what you perceive their problem is. You could say: "I do like you, I love you. However, I don't like the way that you try to guilt trip me into feeling bad for not doing what you want. I like you I just don't like the psychological games that you try to play.... and no, I'm not going to wash the dishes." 

Similar instances to this are very common, but deep down it is a little sad. Oftentimes the manipulation technique gets the manipulator what they want, but by doing this they start to dig a hole that they just keep digging themselves into, shovel-load of crap after shovel-load, and before you know it they are buried alive! Sure you may give in once, twice, three hundred and fifty-seven times, but eventually you will grow courageous and you might say, "Forget it! I want to do what I want to do! And I don't want to do it your way any longer!" Now when you finally stand up for yourself, the manipulator may try even harder to guilt trip you, but by avoiding the root cause of the issue you are not helping them at all. Eventually, if you truly care about someone, you have to be brave and assist them to face their shadow. Have a little courage, clench your fist if you have to and then relax and tell them how you feel. Face it full frontal. Yes, this may create conflict, but in the end they will have to admit that maybe they have been inconsiderate of other people's feelings. Also, helping someone to come to this realization is a great gift, for you will have healed them ever so slightly. This will help free them from the muck of manipulation, and little by little, you are helping set them free.... one pile of crap at a time.

Love love.

AJ
 


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